… but I actively hid it from people (until now), because, imposter syndrome.
Back in June, a tweet tagged me informing me that I’d been honored by being selected to this list. Sure I’d heard of TechBeacon and their top 100 lists so I responded with a simple “Thank you. It’s an honor” response.
Upon reviewing the page I found myself listed under the “Cloud” section, which given my line of work is understandable.
Then started the vicious cycle of self doubt and imposter syndrome. “There is no way I belong on a list with Donovan Brown, Nicole Forsgren, Jez Humble and Martin Fowler” or “I’m listed in the same section as Adrian Cockcroft, Ashley McNamara and Jeffrey Snover – surely this must be a mistake”. Thoughts like these swirled in my head and instead of celebrating it, I buried this recognition – didn’t tweet it or even share it with friends and family.
Over the past few months, numerous friends, family and co-workers had gotten wind of this and asked me about it and I played it off nonchalantly each time, because again, I was afraid I didn’t belong. But then someone close to me told me something important: if someone has put forth the effort to create this list and shortlisted me using a specific set of criteria, then by that measure I deserve to be on the list. Besides, all these famous people on the list started off by being featured on a list the first time at some point.
So, f@#k imposter syndrome, I’m owning this. Look mom, I’m on the “2018 TechBeacon DevOps Top 100 list“. You can bet this will make my LinkedIn profile, Twitter bio and every single CFP submission (maybe this will help with the rejection rate).
Note: Since this list came out, I changed employers. So my bio on this list may be a bit dated. Serves me right for selling myself short.